stuffy.

Its 5:30 AM and its ridiculous that I am unable to sleep. Sometimes I believe that in times like these I’m called to pray. Most of the time, I just can’t sleep and its as simple as that. Tonight is one of those simple, matter-of-fact whatevers. 

I’m beginning to have a mind that is constantly thinking about what-ifs, should’ve-could’ves and whatnot. Its not the most comforting thing in the world. All I can think of is how much my home has changed and how I need to simply close the book and move on to my next novel on the shelf. Its hard because the natural tendency for any human is to sit back and ‘reflect’ on all that has happened, when really, you should be moving forward and never look back unless you have to go back. Regardless of my uncertain future in New York and how the hell I’m gonna get there (with God’s grace, I know) its awfully brutal that my own home is turning away, moving at whatever knots per hour, and simply deteriorating in my very hands; I’ve given up on understanding men, my evolving family, my friends, everything. This whole week has been about moving forward, moving onwards, fleeing this city and taking charge in the next. I never thought I could come to this point. Its uncanny, really.

God, what is next? Seriously. What is next?